you draw me closer to love...

My car could be called old-faithful. He always started when I wanted it to, he took me where I needed to go, and there was always enough room to drive one more person. Even though it had one million miles on it, and was one million years old, I would never trade him for anything.

However, I definitely failed him. On Monday, I drove on some ice and totaled him. Peace out old-faithful.. it was nice knowing you.

Now, my beat up jalopy is definitely no where near Jesus, but there is a slight parallel :) ...

Jesus is always there for me. He doesn't ask for anything and is faithful. But there are more than enough situations where I ignore him, or think I know the better way. In a way, I slip on ice some times with situations. The difference in Jesus and my SUV? Jesus never leaves. I don't put Jesus on a tow truck and watch him go.. Jesus is the one who I may have neglected, and I may have done things the way I wanted to, but Jesus is always there picking up the pieces of my totaled heart.

What has God been teaching me through this?

1. Situations occur in my life that are to be used for HIS GLORY.

This semester, things have happened that I wish never had. I am definitely the type of person who can put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine.. but on the inside I am definitely not. Time after time, I tried to deal with the situation myself, and instead of proclaiming the name of Jesus and how he was helping me get through the situation, no one even knew it was going on. Everyone just thought things were fine, and moved on, without knowing that Jesus should have been the victor and should have received the glory, but he didn't because no one knew.

For example, on Monday, when I totaled my car, I was embarrassed and wished no one would have found out.. but I definitely believe that no one can see God in situations that you don't tell them about. As hard as it is to be transparent and to show people that your life isn't perfect, in the end, its really not about you anyways. The car accident was the most God thing I have been through in a while.. His hand was all over it, and so many people said I shouldn't have walked away with only a few scratches. The car that I slid into on the bridge should not have been there, and I should have hit the wall and flown over.

one of my favorite pastors said, "God lets us go through situations so HE will be seen as the tender one--He always brings me back to Him" ....

God allows people to go through situations not so that people will have pity on them, but so that God will be seen as the tender one, as the comfort, as the only thing that will bring peace; He always brings us back to him.

It reminds me of one of my favorite songs, by Mat Kearney...

"You pull me out of the dark.. to show me the way..

you pull me closer to love."

God pulls us out of the dark just to show us the way, not that WE will be famous.. but HE will be famous. He pulls us closer to love. Closer to the unfailing love of Christ.

"But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on GOD, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us, on Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us. As you help us by your prayers." 2 Corinthians 1:9-11

Lord, May I seek you. Show me your ways O Lord. teach me your paths, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior and my hope is you all day long. May I never quit seeking you, and may I long to bring your name praise. At the end of the day, its never about me, but about how I can proclaim you. Keep pursing me, keep seeking me, and allow me to keep chasing hard after you. Lord I can't do anything without you, and you keep showing me that time after time, slippery ice after slippery ice. You are King of my life. May I not just believe in you.. but may I believe you. May I trust that you are working out things in my life for my good, and ultimately for yours.

life is a dance party

so we have been having nightly dance parties in the student center at the church.. and ive been loving it. even though i cant dance to save my life.. i have enjoyed being a 'gangsta' with my flat billed hat from walmart. we play tik tok and justin bieber on replay and just forget for a while that we have two tests in the morning and 8:00 classes. life is much simpler with dance parties thrown in, and its nice every once in a while to forget about the stresses of every day life.






here i go.. im fixing to get cheesy.. haha but Jesus is my dance party. i've been reading this book called knowledge of the holy, and its insane. tozer, the author, talks about how god is incomprehensible, and we can't even wrap our minds around his greatness. we try to make him tangible or think of him in our heads, but we cant even do that.




"left to ourselves we tend immediately to reduce god to manageable terms. we want to get him where we can use him, or at least know where he is when we need him... how can we christians satisfy our longing after him?"

how do we satisfy our longing for him? ... through jesus. jesus said that he is the only thing that satisfies, which is definitely something he has been teaching me. a boyfriend wont satisfy you, even if you think it will, or good grades, or even a trip to africa. Jesus, is the only thing that can satisfy that longing in our heart.

whats even cooler is:
that god can be known by our soul through a personal tender relationship with us, but at the same time remain infinitely aloof from the curious eyes of reason. its best summed up like this:

"god is darkness to intellect, but sunshine to the heart" --Frederick Fabe

god doesnt care that i figure everything out about him. he wants us just to know that we will never be able to understand his incomprehensible ways on earth. in the meantime, just rest in the beauty that is him. take a breath of fresh air beloved, he is saying, dont concern yourself with things too wonderful for you, let me take care of it.

may god give me a breath of fresh air, and realize that he is so holy and extravagant that my mind cant even wrap around it, but he desires to pursue me and have a personal relationship with me.







"let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for i have put my trust in you, show me the way i should go, for to you i lift up my soul" --psalm 143:8

texas

Today, my sister and I went shopping. We ran to REI and got some things for camp, and started getting my theme night clothes together. For my "What you want to be when you grow up night" I got some scrubs.. haha, which is definitely ironic considering I could never be a nurse! But its a cuter outfit than what I really want to be :) we ate lunch at my new favorite restaurant.. Freebirds. I really wish they had one in Tennessee; maybe I should open one. I really love Moe's in Knoxville, but this place puts Moe's to shame.. for sure! I had been trying to not drink carbonated drinks (my favorite).. like diet dr. pepper, but today, after 2 weeks, I caved. haha. 2 weeks is the longest I have been without my addiction. I was quite proud. haha. But I am loving this family time, only a few more days until camp! yay!

finally home

Tonight, my family and I completed the 16 hour drive home to Houston, Texas. It was a long drive, but definitely not as bad as I was expecting :) We decided to split up the trip over two days, instead of going straight, which was a better idea. But yesterday, my family and I loaded up the car from Nashville, after my sister's high school graduation, and headed for Slidell, Louisiana. We got to Slidell around 8:00 pm last night, after going through a lot of rain, but stayed in a hotel and recharged for the next full day of driving. We decided to stop in New Orleans for a while, which was fun. Except, we had our dog with us because he is like another child in our family and he doesn't do well when we board him at the vet :) so Buddy walked (most of the time was carried) through the French Quarter.

The New Orleans trip started out dry, however the rain came in and we definitely didn't have umbrellas :) but it was more fun walking around in the rain. The picture above is of St. Louis Cathedral in the French Quarter. My dog wanted to walk around though, and he got dirty, which was not good because we still had a ways to go in the car. haha.

When you carry a dog around New Orleans, you instanty gain a million more friends, and everyone wants to talk to you. haha. (Which was a funny experience). The picture above is of my dog, Buddy. We took turns carrying him around. As you can tell he is definitely a spoiled dog who gets whatever he wants :)

We ate at Cafe Du Monde, which was fun because I love beignets :) They are kind of like a French Doughnut.. but they are something you can't really find any where else but in Louisiana. Come visit me and we will go eat them for sure :)

But now I am home sweet home in Texas! This next week I will be getting ready for camp! yay! I leave for camp on Saturday! It's so weird that the day I have been waiting for is so close now!

time flies

Its past midnight, and I have a final in the morning.. but I am overwhelmed at the speed of life.

I am sitting in an empty apartment, having just said bye to one of my last neighbors, and I never thought this day would come. The walls are so white, and everything is so bare! I just spent hours cleaning everything, so it's definitely the cleanest it has ever been, but its not mine anymore. I will write more about this year later because I definitely need to study, but I am just sitting in silence and shock at how fast this year flew by. I have definitely grown so much, God has been so good. As much as I hate sitting by myself (especially in a bare room), its good to reflect and to remember how great God is, and how much of a protector he truly is. How much he has allowed me to endure, and how much stronger and better I am now. How much that I hated the hard times then, but am SO THANKFUL for the hard times now. How much God has used this year to shape me and mold me into the woman of God he truly wants me to be, how greatful that he allowed me to be broken and be so dependent on him. All the while living in this room that I am about to leave forever, all the while being surrounded by people God has used, who have already left this hall forever. While they have left, and while I am fixing to leave, the memories will always be around, and God has forever changed me. I am so thankful to have hope that "one day he's coming, oh glorious day,"
I will write more when I have time, but that is whats on the top of my head. :)
I miss everyone in Laurel.. they need to come back ASAP.. its harder to blog by yourself.

this picture was a few of us at the beginning of the year :) .. time has FLOWN by!

April 30

The last days in Laurel are coming to a close; everyone is moving out, and there will never be a time when everyone will live on the same hall. I have two finals in the morning, but there comes a time when making memories seems to outweigh the fact you need to study. So some of us decided to go to Rita's (in our nike shorts, without makeup and dodging sundown in the city) instead of studying, and now I am making my first ever blog. Hoping to keep up with each other over the summer, this blog is an attempt to stay close even though we are all far apart. Even though I definitely need to get off of this, (I am getting more addicted by the second), I am making memories. I will pay for my decision to not study another day (like in the morning at 8:00) but for the time being, I am content and happy knowing that things are about to really change for this summer and for the rest of our lives.